Surgery is fast approaching. While I have been preparing for that, I have also been preparing for what my family will need while I am recovering. As a mom, I know that I do a lot. My husband is the sole provider for our family, but not the sole worker. Sometimes, we as moms don’t realize how much we do until you are required to tell another everything they will need to know to take care of your family. Here are a few of the things I did this week:

Made a daily schedule including what time to take the kids to school, the exact time to leave the house to pick them up — too early and you are waiting in the dreaded pickup line, but too late and your kids are left wondering if they have been forgotten, what kid has soccer on which day, what time the carpool picks them up, what days they have PE so they have the right shoes on and when to tuck them sweetly in bed. Cleaned the stacks of stuff that had been piling themselves higher and higher in the office, the kitchen, my bedroom, even in the laundry room — Ethan said I was nesting. Stocked up on items my family may run out of during the next few weeks like shampoo, soap and favorite snacks. Baked 6 loaves of banana bread, rolled 20 breakfast tacos, and cut up one pan of granola bars.

When the family was taken care of, I still had planning to do for myself. Items and clothing that I would need for the week of surgery, none of which anybody would actually choose to buy for themself. Dry shampoo since I won’t be able to wash my hair.  A pillow to keep my arm from touching any sensitive area, which will basically be from my chest all the way around to my back. Chapstick and throat lozenges after being sedated for a few hours. Music and a speaker for my 3 days in the hospital. A robe since I can’t imagine that I will be dressing for a week. A few button-down shirts when I do have to be dressed since I won’t be able to lift my arms above my head.  And my smile… I’ve been searching for my smile to bless those around me and hide the turmoil that is really going on inside Ethan and myself. My smile that is going to show my hope and my faith even when my confidence in the future has left.

Fast approaching is the day when I will be changed forever. When a part of me will be gone…forever. My family will be cared for and my to do list done, but there is not much I can do to prepare myself for that day. I long for the day when we all get glorified new bodies. When our pain and sickness, our anger, and our disease are led to rest. When our weary, broken souls finally meet their maker and that smile can be genuine again.