I can only start with this:
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither my ways your ways. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9
There is no other truth that I can cling to if I don’t believe this. There is no explanation. No blame I can lay. No coincidences. No justifying. It just doesn’t make sense. And if God’s ways are as meaningless as mine, I would have nothing. No point to go on. Nothing to hinge my hope on. But despite the news that is staring in my face, I know My God has a plan.
In December throughout radiation, I began to collect fluid on my lungs. It is was being watched but we didn’t do more than that. I coughed for a few weeks, but as I returned home the cough went away for a bit. Let’s jump to today. I have been coughing for weeks. An unproductive cough. It is an irritation to the lining that makes my body think it needs to expel something. I have had shortness of breath and find it very hard to carry on a conversation without coughing. 
This image is from Feb 24th. The white shows the amount of fluid that is compressing the lung. As it is drained, the lung begins to expand again. However, within 5 days, mine filled back up. So today I sit burdened by a cough and unable to take deep breaths. The fluid was sent to pathology at MDA and confirmed there are breast cancer cells in the lung.
This may be confusing to some, but the explanation is that when cancer metastasizes (spreads) it travels through the lymph or blood channels. So the cancer that I have had all along was not killed off with chemo and was given the chance to travel. Maybe it has been in my system for awhile, but October scans revealed no evidence of disease. And today I have a comparison scan that says something different is going on in March.
How I want to make this eloquent and worth reading, but my soul just doesn’t have it in me. So buckle up for the facts. Cancer in the lining of the lungs. A lesion on the liver that was not present 4 months ago. Multiple spots in the spine on the CT scan and areas on the femur and pelvis. It has gone where it wants. It is not contained. It is not medically curable. I have a MRI of my brain coming soon to see if it has spread to there as well.
I am not going to even address how we are doing. Stupid question with a stupid response that wouldn’t even touch the surface. We have a hard and ugly road ahead. I can’t even bring myself to type a fight. A fight suggests that you can win and we know the ultimate outcome here.
Things have been changing daily, but here is where we are now. I will start a chemo pill in a week or so. Side effects unknown, depends on each case. 2 weeks on, 1 week off. Then we scan. If the spots are steady or shrink, we continue. If they grow, we move on to the next drug. This will be the remainder of my life. Keeping the cancer managed.
To immediately address the issue of the fluid, I will be admitted Thursday for a surgical procedure to keep the fluid from returning. On the front end, it will be harder, but should permanently keep it from refilling.
I am sorry to deliver such bad news. I am sorry that I am not in a place to make it sound more hopeful. I know that many of you have been waiting and this is the fastest, easiest way to spread the news.
Do not let hardship and pain drive you from your maker. Do not doubt his love for me and my family. I don’t understand His ways, but I trust them. I will press into Him to reveal this path to me and I ask that join along side us, trusting Him.
Praying for you and your family.
Julie- I am so very heartbroken at your news. Know that I will be praying for you and for your sweet family. Your faith is amazing b
Praying for you all.
Julie, my heart is so heavy and broken to read this news. To believe in God is trust and have unwavering faith in Him and His plan, even if you want to scream “are you freaking kidding me!!”. I continue to be in complete awe of the amount of strength and grace in which you’ve handled this trial. I know I am a better person for even knowing you, Ethan and your amazing, beautiful daughters. I will continue to beg God for the miracle you deserve every minute of every day. And if not, He is still God.
His – Rebecca
Julie – I am so saddened to hear this news. We will continue to pray for you and your sweet family!
I am deeply saddened to hear this news Julie. You’ve been and continue to be so brave and strong. Prayers lifted for you, Ethan, the girls and all of your family. I pray for peaceful rest and that you will be filled with the same type of love today, as you’ve shared with so many.
Julie, I am so so sorry for you and your family. We will be praying for you!
Julie, I am so so sorry to hear this news! We will be praying for you and your family during this difficult time.
I have been praying. I don’t know what to say except that the entire family is brave. This saddens me to the core. But i know we all know who the enemy is. I love you all. I thank God for you. Only the Holy Spirit can help me speak what I need to speak to you and the family. You will never know, till heaven, what kind of example you have been for me. Thank you.
There are no words Julie. We are praying now and will continue to pray. If there is anything we can do….just say the word
Julie, I’m so heavy hearted with this news. You are such an inspiration to us and have learned so much from your incredible strength. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. Much love to you.
Our paths have not crossed in many years but that does not mean I don’t think of you often and remember you in my prayers. This news breaks my heart but your faith warms it. I cannot begin to imagine what you all are going through but I will continue to pray for your entire family. Much love and blessings to you sweet lady.
You example to lean on Jesus is such a blessing to so many of us. Though I haven’t posted previously, you are in my prayers often. I follow your story through your beautiful parents who are my teachers at Sugar Grove. I am broken hearted by this news, but will remember he loves you and your family
And I will continue to pray for strength and trust for you all.
I’ve not seen you since you were a little one. I was there with your folks when you were born. I walked with your Mom during her pregnancy, often caring nuts & crackers for her low blood sugar. Little did I know that you’d grow up to be the incredible woman of God, anointed to spread such love, determination, such courage & such a faith filled life to all who cross you path, be that in person or via FB ……. I stand in awe of you & never EVER again will I take life, health, family for granted. Thank you, Julie, for being God’s woman. My husband & I continue in prayer as you walk this journey.
Julie, my prayers for you and your family for the strength to do everything you need to do.
Praying for you Julie. So sorry to hear this news..thank you for your honesty. You are so brave and your faith through trials is such an amazing testimony.
Hi Julie, my sister Allison told me about your blog. I haven’t seen you for so many years, maybe since we lived in Missouri City?? But you remarkably look so much the same! Just wanted to say I am adding my prayers for you and your family. Your faith and resilience are amazing and it’s such a testimony to your relationship with the Lord.
Julie– I am heartbroken to hear of this news. I will continue to pray for strength and healing for you and peace and comfort for you and your family.
Praying continually for you and your beloved!
I can do ALL THINGS through CHRIST, who STRENGTHENS ME! Philippians 4:13
Julie,
I am in awe of the woman you have become. You are so beautifully strong- you are truly full of grace. You are in my thoughts and prayers daily. Sending all my love.
Dear Julie, I am sitting here at my kitchen table doing my Bible Study and was prompted to look at Facebook where I saw the newest post to your blog! I bet you can’t guess what t-shirt I have on under my sweatshirt (very cold and snowy here in Tennessee this morning)? That’s right it’s my FIGHT4JULIE t-shirt that I bought several years back when you and your sweet family were living in Tennessee! Of course I am saddened at your news but also amazed at your faithfulness to trust God in your circumstances! I know or at least I think I know that you would probably give it all up to go back to your life before CANCER if you had the choice! But in the midst of it all look at all the lives you’ve touched because of your journey! We are studying Romans this year in Community Bibke Study and this last week came across what is called the New Testament equivalent to Isaiah 55:8-9. It is Romans 11:33 “Oh, how great are God’s riches and knowledge! How impossible it is for us to understand his decisions and his ways!” As hard as it is for us to understand Chapter 11 ends with this verse “For everything comes from him and exists by his power and is intended for his glory. All glory to him forever! Amen”
I’m not sure I would be able to do it but as hard as it must be for you, nigh on impossible in your own strength, you are choosing to glorify God and that is amazing!
Continuing to lift you and your sweet family up to the Father!
Lifting you all up in prayer from Wisconsin — praying for His peace, wisdom, strength and mercy. <3
Praying for you and your family
praying God’s peace that transcends all understanding for you and your family, I’ve known this peace it really exists!
Julie,
You are brave and courageous! God has been and continues to be Glorified by your scripture of affirmations to His Grace. We do not understand, but we fiercely love you with all our heart. We will continue to pray for Gid to intervene.
Praising God for the MRI results, and continuing to pray for God’s miracles in your body. May He be especially merciful to you and your loved ones!
Julie and Ethan,
Words cannot express the sadness I feel for you and your precious daughters at this moment, nor can they convey the admiration I have for you. Julie, you are one of the most beautiful, strongest and faithful women I have ever met. I have known you for such a short time, yet your grace and faith have inspired me to be a better person. I am serious! Your girls are so privileged to have you for their mother. What a rich heritage they have! I am praying for the best possible outcome from the chemo and for many wonderful moments with your family in the coming days. I will not stop praying for you. May God shower you with blessings, and may you continue to bring glory to the Creator through all of this.
With love and prayers,
Neisha Frank
Julie – I am praying for you and your family. I have no words…. just that I share your faith in trusting God and His plan. We will never understand but can rest in knowing that He works all out for His good and His glory. I do pray for complete healing and miraculous restoration but if that is not His will, I will pray for peaceful and pain free days. Please know your family is being lifted up. -Brandy