I feel like I should apologize for my silence, but I won’t. I know there are so many, so many, of you out there who follow and who sincerely want to know how “we” are doing. And for that, I am sorry that I haven’t at least given you the update that I am well. I could tell by the reactions when I went to church 2 weeks ago that some of you were just surprised I was dressed. But when things are going well, I feel good, and cancer is not knocking on my bedroom door, I want to just live. I want to carry on in some way that isn’t wrapped around sharing news or thinking of news or finding out news. You can usually take my silence as good news.
I finished my first cycle of Xeloda and had 1 week off. My side effects were hardly noticeable during the 2 weeks, but as the off week approached, my body must have been saturated. My hands and feet began to hurt. Like a sensitive feeling. While I didn’t see any mouth sores, my mouth was sore. Certain foods burned, most food had no taste and I just felt like I was holding my lips funny all week. But today as I start the next cycle, my body is back to normal. Only to repeat the process in 2 weeks I assume. We haven’t had any scans or marker testing yet, but I am anxious for that in the next few weeks.
My breathing is much better. While in the hospital, I was explaining the difficulty to my sister in law, and asked her how many seconds she could inhale. She said she could inhale air into her lungs for about 10 seconds. At the time, mine was only 2 seconds. There was pain and then my lungs just stopped, I couldn’t take in any more air. Try it yourself. I will always have restricted breathing, but today I can get close to 6 seconds. There are still pockets of fluid on the side we did the procedure on, it worked in some ways, but also trapped in fluid. We see fluid on the other lung as well, but it is not causing any problems right now so we will not address it.
I have been active with the kids, doing my daily tasks and trying to enjoy my moments. However, cancer is still present. Reality still meets me daily. Because in the middle of laundry, I am filling out a book about myself to leave to my kids. While I wait in the pickup line, I am signing birthday cards that I want to leave for my girls to open years and years from now. While planning for dinner, I am recording the book of John for them to listen to their mom’s voice and God’s word at the same time. You see, life goes on, for right now it really does. But how far it goes on is never far from my thoughts. What can I do for them or what should I leave for them is always heavy on my heart. The balance of staying full of hope for healing and preparing for the possible is overwhelming.
Prayng, sister. Quiet prayers. Loud ones too. You are a shining light to us all!!
Hang in there Julie. Having the time to write birthday cards, a book for the kids and recording St. John is a real blessing that will be something that they will cherish forever. Pat
Hi Julie. I just wanted you to know that I have been following your posts and think about you and your family. Hoping for the best for you. Keep up the great work.
Judd
I pray for you everyday that you go to sleep each night with more positives than negatives from the day. We are all learning from you.
We don’t personally know each other Julie, but our kids attend the same schools, and we attend the same church and live in the same community. We all pray for you and your beautiful family constantly and you are truly an inspiration…stay strong and brave. May GOD bless you all.
Julie, you and your family are in my daily prayers. There are days that I wake up and think of you first and then there are nights that I think of you last just before sleep. God bless you Blue Chickadee….
Marci
Xoxoxo
I love that others wake up thinking of you and fall asleep thinking of you, too. Those are my favorite times of day. Still trusting God and believing in a miracle. You’re surrounded in love. I hope you feel it.
You are neverr far from our thoughts and always in our prayers… Ethan and the girls too. Love and hugs!
Mel Mel
You don’t ever need to apologize for anything. We all know the difficulties of illnesses and you should just do what you are able. God bless and keep you and your family. Pat
Praying for you and your family too. Your love and God and your family add inspiration to those around you. Know all those things youse doing for your girls are gifts they will cherish and will inspire them throughout their lives. I’ve only known you a few years now through soccer Julie but you’ve shown me such amazing things. Thank you! Praying –
You are such an amazing mom. Your kids are so lucky to have you. Prayers continue for God’s Miracles to continue to happen in your life, and that you have many other good days!!
Everyone who reads and hopes and prays and wonders and constantly refreshes just to see if there is an update is grateful when there is, but certainly we all understand when there is not. Taking the time, precious as it is to you these days, to fill those of us in is a gift, and you are kind to do it. I think of you often Julie, throughout my day, I often find myself stopping for a moment and praying for your strength…in whatever form you need it to be.
On a personal note, having lost my own mother, I will say that some of the things I treasure the very most are recipes in her handwriting. She had absolutely beautiful handwriting and seeing it again fills me with happiness, even when it is mixed with sadness. Your girls will feel the same way with the cards and then having the chance to hear your voice will no doubt be comforting when they need it most.
Sending you love today and always.
Praying His name over you! Praying His love all around you and your family! Praying His mercy for you.
Again, thank you for sharing with all of us. I cling to your updates because you are continually in my prayers and always in my thoughts.
Julie, I am so glad to have an update. You and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers. What an amazing mother and woman you are, and what a gift you are and will continue to be to your daughters. You inspire us all! I hope you know of how many people are praying for you!! ♡♡♡
Praying for all of you, Julie. Thank you for sharing your journey.
With tears in my eyes and a heavy heart, I pray…and will continue to beg God for healing for you.
Keep on, keeping on! love you!